


Who?

by cactuscactus



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, During Canon, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, also more characters will probably be added, set in that time period where Light didn't remember he was Kira, yeah the one all lawlight fics are set in, yes i'm writing lawlight fic in 2020 let me live
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:49:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22620532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cactuscactus/pseuds/cactuscactus
Summary: “Tell me, who are you right now? Are you Light? Or are you Kira?”The question was barely a whisper, a hitch of breath that only someone trying to hear could pick up. L wasn’t even sure why he had let the question slip from his lips. There was no doubt he would just be met with Light’s denials of being Kira, as always. But this was their game at this point. L addressed Light as Kira, Light denied the title, and they both knew the truth.Perhaps it was the late hour. Perhaps it was their close proximity on the bed, forced by the clinking chain keeping them bound together. Perhaps it was the fact that neither of them seemed to mind the chain anymore, having grown used to it over the past few months. Perhaps it was because… they were both tired.Perhaps it was because of all these factors. Or maybe it was none of them.Either way, L didn’t expect to hear an answer from Light that for the first time since meeting him, he could tell was 100% honest.“I… I don’t know.” Light’s voice was hoarse and as soft as could be, his gaze locked on his hands. “I don’t know anymore.”
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Comments: 9
Kudos: 85





	1. the first time

**Author's Note:**

> god,,, I'm really writing a lawlight fic in 2020 aren't I
> 
> so quick backstory: I watched Death Note back in 2015, and I liked it a lot but didn't get super into it. Recently, my friend and I wanted to watch something together, and they'd never seen Death Note so I decided to rewatch it with them. Not only did I remember how much I loved this show, but then that fantastic one-shot came out like the day after we had finished watching it, which neither of us knew about beforehand. Really convenient timing tbh
> 
> anyway now I'm super into Death Note and I can't stop thinking about how much I love L and Light's relationship because of how complicated it is... what can I say I'm a sucker for that stuff
> 
> somehow this happened. I was originally planning to write the whole thing and post it as a one shot, but I got impatient because my writing brain is not in full swing so it's taking longer than usual for me to write this. so uh expect very irregular chapter updates? this will probably be around 4 or 5 chapters total but I'm not sure yet. anyway, I hope you guys enjoy!

“Tell me, who are you right now? Are you Light? Or are you Kira?” 

The question was barely a whisper, a hitch of breath that only someone trying to hear could pick up. L wasn’t even sure why he had let the question slip from his lips. There was no doubt he would just be met with Light’s denials of being Kira, as always. But this was their game at this point. L addressed Light as Kira, Light denied the title, and they both knew the truth. 

Perhaps it was the late hour. Perhaps it was their close proximity on the bed, forced by the clinking chain keeping them bound together. Perhaps it was the fact that neither of them seemed to mind the chain anymore, having grown used to it over the past few months. Perhaps it was because… they were both tired. 

Perhaps it was because of all these factors. Or maybe it was none of them. 

Either way, L didn’t expect to hear an answer from Light that for the first time since meeting him, he could tell was 100% honest. 

“I… I don’t know.” Light’s voice was hoarse and as soft as could be, his gaze locked on his hands. “I don’t know anymore.” His hair fell over his eyes, obscuring his expression from L’s wondering gaze. He sounded pained. More pained than L had ever heard him before. 

“What do you mean by that, Light?” He didn’t ask if he was confessing to being Kira. L had never heard Light sound so honest before, and he didn’t want to lose that so soon. 

A shudder ran down Light’s spine. L could feel the movement vibrate from where his own shoulder was touching the boy’s. 

“I mean that I can think like him. I can put myself in his shoes and see where he’s coming from. A lot of the times, his ideals match up to my own. If I were given that power, I can’t say for certain that I wouldn’t… use it for the same means.” Light’s head suddenly whipped up, his deep brown eyes boring into L’s monochrome gaze. “I don’t remember being Kira but I can _feel_ him in my bones. How can I not remember, Ryuzaki?! How would I forget committing all those murders? Is that even possible?!” Light was starting to panic, his breathing getting faster as his hands clenched in his lap. 

Then, Light was grabbing L by the shoulders and pulling him over so they were face to face. “From the beginning Ryuzaki, you suspected I was Kira. So tell me, _please_ , who am I right now? Because I can’t tell anymore. I don’t know if I’ve ever been able to tell.” 

Their noses were almost bumping, and L could feel Light’s panicked breaths puffing across his face. Light was spiraling, and was begging for L to throw out a life raft for him to grab onto. Something to keep him from tumbling into the abyss of his own mind. 

L looked into his eyes, and searched for the answers within the brown depths. He tried to identify who was staring back at him. This could be an act, but if it was, Light would have to be a master actor. L knew full well Light could act very well, but this was a whole other level entirely. 

Staring back at him behind those deep brown irises… was a boy. A teenage boy who was terrified of his own potential. Terrified of not knowing what he himself was capable of. Someone who was scared of himself more than any serial killer or prison sentence. 

“I’m speaking with my friend, Light Yagami,” L finally said, his own voice hushed. 

It was as if a balloon in the middle of his chest had popped. Light deflated, sagging in relief and lurching forward to rest his head on the blankets. He was panting as if he’d just run a marathon, and after a moment, L noticed he was trembling. 

“Thank you, Ryuzaki,” Light replied in a barely audible voice. 

Then, L felt something warm wrap around his hand. Looking down in surprise, he saw Light’s fingers lacing with his own. Light squeezed his hand tightly—to the point of being borderline painful—before relaxing his grip and resting their hands between them. He still wasn’t looking at L, his face buried in the blankets, but L was looking at him. 

After a few moments of silence, L squeezed Light’s hand. Light squeezed L’s in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone even still like lawlight in 2020? I have no clue but let's find out
> 
> anyway I've always really enjoyed the dynamic Light and L have during the time period of Light not having his memories of being Kira, and I also always liked exploring the effects this situation probably had on Light's psyche soooo yeah this popped out of my brain. Hope you guys like it! If you did make sure to leave a comment, they really make my day! 
> 
> talk to me on tumblr!  
> cactusskiddo.tumblr.com


	2. the second time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the second time the question is asked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I wrote both the first chapter and this chapter already before posting the first one, so immediate update! however, the third chapter is not even started so I have no clue when it's coming we'll see
> 
> anyway there's not much to say about this one except we get to see other members of the task force! yay! 
> 
> hope you guys enjoy!

The next time the question was posed, it was a few weeks after the first time. Little progress had been made on the case in this time, despite L and Light working at all hours to try and come up with some new break, and everyone at headquarters was on edge. Tensions were high as anyone was desperate to come up with something. Frustration was through the roof. 

“We have to come up with something,” Light muttered to himself, leaning towards the computer screen in front of him. “He’s gotta slip up eventually.” 

“Perhaps he will or perhaps he won’t. It’s more important to focus on trying to catch what he’s doing now, and not relying on the possibility of a slip up,” L said in reply, fork hanging out of his mouth as he chewed on his cake. 

“I know that,” Light grumbled. “But we’ve been looking nonstop and we haven’t come up with anything!” Slamming his hand down on the table, the rest of the task force looked up in surprise as Light leaned back in his seat and groaned. 

“Do you need a break, Light?” 

Light shook his head and straightened back up. “No. I’m fine. I just need to figure this out.” Resting his elbows on the desk, Light buried his fingers in his hair as he began to think. 

“If I were Kira, what would I be doing?” He muttered, low enough to where only L could hear. “If the theory that Kira somehow gave his powers to a new Kira is correct, then this new person could have any number of goals that are different from the original Kira. The original Kira seemed to only care about killing criminals, but given his power, most people wouldn’t think that way. Many people would try to use it to gain power, or use it for monetary gain. So there’s a likely chance this new Kira could be trying to use it for something like that, which means…” Light trailed off for a moment, before his eyes widened. “We should be checking out how the financial market is doing and see if there’s been any unusual changes!” 

L glanced back over at Light, who was already pulling up data on the stock market over the course of the past few weeks. “Very nice. If your theory is correct, and this new Kira is using the power for some personal gain alongside following the original Kira’s goals, what kind of person do you think we’re dealing with now?” 

“Oh, someone selfish and hungry for power, for sure,” Light scoffed, typing slowing down as a frown tugged at his expression. “Money is a tempting thing, and if the new Kira was able to find a way to financially benefit themselves through the stock market or something like that by using his power, he’d be an extremely greedy person. Killing others for monetary gain is a dark hole to go down. Nothing like what the original Kira was doing at all.” Light seemed to be rambling more to himself now then to L. “The original Kira may have been a murderer, but he had standards. He killed criminals who had no remorse for what they’d done, and who would be likely to do it again if they were to be released. Kira saw how little proper justice there was in this world, and took it upon himself to instill his own form of justice. He left the innocent alone, and only killed those who were nothing more than a blight to society. A waste of resour-” 

“Light, what are you talking about?” Soichiro’s voice sounded from behind Light and L, cutting Light off mid-sentence. 

Blinking, L turned to look over at Light, and realized he was pale. He clearly hadn’t meant to go off on a tangent like that. Not out loud, at least. 

“Um… sorry dad, I was just talking to myself about Kira and his motives and got a little carried away,” Light said sheepishly, staring at the desk in front of him. 

“I’m sorry Light, but please don’t talk like that. At least not in front of me. Whenever I hear you say things praising Kira it makes me think that Ryuzaki…” Soichiro trailed off, not wanting to admit what he was thinking. 

His statement was obvious though, even without him finishing his sentence. Light winced, and didn’t look up to meet his father’s gaze. L turned to see Soichiro, and he saw the chief gazing at Light with a mixture of concern and… fear. But not fear in the sense of him being afraid for Light. No, L could tell that for a moment, however brief, Soichiro had been afraid _of_ Light. 

“I mean, I don’t think Light’s wrong really,” Matsuda chimed in, making everyone’s head turn towards him. 

“Matsuda, what are you talking about now?” Soichiro asked, the annoyance obvious in his voice. 

Matsuda—surprisingly—didn’t wilt under Soichiro’s gaze. “I mean I get where he’s coming from. The original Kira did have standards. He only killed those who truly seemed irredeemable. But all the other Kira’s have killed people who were criminals, but weren’t irredeemable. Like, obviously he’s a murderer, but out of all the Kira’s I definitely liked him the best.” 

“I suppose you have a point, but we are the Kira task force. Our job is to catch Kira—both the copycats and the original. He may have standards, but he is pure evil. Do not forget that,” Soichiro said, the lines of his face set into a deep frown. “And Light, please stop trying to think like Kira. At least unless it’s absolutely necessary. It’s disturbing to me as your father to hear you speak like that.” 

“I’m sorry, dad,” Light apologized, shrinking under Soichiro’s stern order. 

Light seemed uncomfortable. He was no longer looking at the computer and was focused on messing with his hands in his lap. The chain binding him and L together clinked with the movement, and silence filled the space as Soichiro and Matsuda both went back to their seats. L waited for Light to return to his work, but he continued to stare at his hands. The situation had obviously bothered him, more than he cared to admit. 

After it was clear Light wasn’t going to be going back to work anytime soon, L made a decision for the both of them. 

“Geez, I’m tired,” L said through a yawn, stretching his arms into the air. “I think I should go take a nap.” Standing up out of his chair, he pulled on the chain, gesturing for Light to do the same. “Come on, Light. Let’s go to our room.” 

Light blinked, obviously confused by L’s sudden urge to go sleep. But he didn’t say anything as L dragged him out of the room, ignoring the curious stares of the rest of the task force as they made their way into the elevator. The shining doors slid shut, and both men remained silent as the elevator rose up floor by floor. 

Eventually, they reached their floor. L exited the elevator first, and Light followed close behind. No words were exchanged between them as L tapped in the passcode to the room, and Light shut the door behind them as they made their way into their apartment. 

L beelined towards the bed, despite the fact that he had no intention to sleep. It was the middle of the afternoon, and L felt wide awake, but he could sense the question burning inside of Light right now. He didn’t want to be there with the rest of the task force watching. L may not be very good at interacting with people, but sometimes he could read Light as easily as reading words on a page. 

Sitting down on the bed, Light joined him without saying a word. He kept his gaze locked on his lap, twisting his fingers together and furrowing his brows as if he was trying to solve a puzzle. L watched him do this, trying—as always—to figure out exactly what Light was thinking at this moment. 

“You want to ask. So ask,” L said after a few beats of silence. When Light didn’t respond, L continued. “You shouldn’t avoid it just because you’re afraid of what the answer might be.” Light winced at this, not looking up at L. He took a shaky breath, and after a few more moments, he spoke. 

“Back there, when I started talking about Kira, I wasn’t even thinking. The words just spilled out of me,” Light admitted in a soft voice. “I don’t know who was talking. If it was me or if it was…” He trailed off, leaving L to fill in the gap. 

“Or if it was Kira,” L finished for him. Light nodded. 

L stared at Light for a moment. He still wanted to say this was a trick. An attempt on Light’s end to make L let his guard down, convince him further that Light really is no longer Kira. 

But looking at Light, seeing the way his hands trembled as he tried to look anywhere except at L… he couldn’t find it in himself to believe Light was acting. 

“If you want my take on the situation,” L began, “I do believe it was the dormant part of Kira in your mind that was speaking in that moment.” 

Light’s shoulders sagged. Not in relief, like last time, but in defeat. 

“However.” Without giving Light a warning, L reached forward to grab his chin, pulling his head up so their eyes could meet. He had found that this was the best way to understand what was going on in Light’s mind. Light could put on fake smiles and speak in polite tones all he wanted, but eyes… eyes didn’t lie. 

Light’s eyes danced around wildly, the deep brown irises filled to the brim with emotion. His breath hitched in surprise, and L could feel the air puffing onto his face. In his eyes there was worry, fear, and most of all self-loathing. But there was no sense of cunning, none of the arrogance that L knew Kira held in his eyes. 

“Right now, you are Light. Not Kira,” L said, still holding Light’s face extremely close to his own. For a brief moment, there was a stutter in his chest when he realized just _how_ close to Light he was. And Light seemed to realize it as well, because red began to blossom across his cheeks. 

For a moment, there was silence as the two stared at each other. 

Then, Light pulled his head away, and L let his hand drop. Light ran his fingers through his hair, before sighing. 

“Thank you, Ryuzaki,” he said softly. 

“Anytime,” L shrugged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent my saturday writing this instead of doing college kid stuff like going out with friends... we love being sick all the time 
> 
> anyway I finally read the death note one shot today and god I love minoru he is my BOY 
> 
> there's not much to say so uh I hope you guys liked this one! please leave a comment if you did they really make my day! :D
> 
> check me out on tumblr uwu  
> cactusskiddo.tumblr.com


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